Hanging By a Thread
by Reana
Summary: Fed up with Nita shirking life, Kit decides to do something about it. Rated for mild language.
1. Hanging By A Thread

**I should be working on my Extemp boxes (filling boxes of newspaper and magazine articles used in my Speech event to research the current events topics the people in my event give speeches on). I should be writing my own newspaper article (which is due Monday). I should be finishing cleaning my room (What does that do besides moving things from the floor where I can find them to other areas where I can't?) I should be sleeping (Talk about a waste of valuable time.) However, while working in the Boxes and listening to Nickel Creek, I was struck with a songfic idea. And writing a songfic is much more fun than any of the other choices.**

**Besides, several people have been after me to write a "real" N/K and my muse has been smacking me upside the head with ideas for months now. However, I don't see them as a couple (I do see it as a possibility, however, it would mess too many things up.) and I'm stubborn. Now my head's starting to hurt as my muse used it as a punching bag, so I figured I'd give it a shot. Here it goes:**

**Disclaimer: ****Kit**** and Nita, as well as anything else Young Wizards related, belong to the wonderfully talented ****Diane****Duane****. "Hanging by a Thread" belongs to the wonderfully talented Nickel Creek.**

~*~*~*~

**_There's a kind of emptiness that can fill you up._**

Kit lay back on his bed, staring at the ceiling. He'd needed to stop brooding, get up, and do something. However, each time he hardened his resolve, she'd appear in his mind again, filling him with a sense of hopelessness. 

Nita hadn't been the same since the death of her mother in February. In the last three months, she'd become withdrawn, pushing everyone away. Including him. 

It hurt. Everything was suffering because it. He couldn't concentrate, not at home or in school... and _forget about wizardry. Every time he began something as simple a transit spell, the memory of her threw him off track. Her voice, matching his as they chanted together... Her eyes, confident in him and in herself... Her name, painfully lacking from the spell..._

**_There's a kind of hunger that can eat you up._**

Worst of all, there was the longing. To see her again... To see her_ smile_ again... Kit would give almost anything.

He longed to hear her laugh, carefree and trusting. He longed to see her walk through life once more, without the cloud of despair that hung over her head.

He longed to comfort her. To hold her strong and secure in his arms, telling her it would all be okay, even when he knew it wouldn't be. To drive away her worries with a powerful kiss—

_Stop it, __Rodriguez__,_ he instructed himself firmly. _Not only did that line of thinking sound like it came from a 33¢ romance novel, but it will get you nowhere. Rescue her from herself before you sweep her off her feet like a valiant knight. _

But she wouldn't see him. She avoided him at school and wouldn't let him come over to her house. It took all of his self-control not to peek into her mind, searching for the specific problem. He wanted to fix it, but he knew not even wizardry had that much power. Suspend the grief of a person and you end up only increasing it.

He had to get through to her somehow. He'd been pushed all his life... when did he stop pushing back? She was pushing with all her might... but when did Kit Rodriguez step down from a challenge? Especially when the stakes were so high... 

Kit knew what he was about to attempt was inherently dangerous and foolish. He must have double-checked his manual a hundred times... 

Hoping she was decent, Kit prepared a quick and extremely unethical transit to Nita bedroom. This transit, however, was the least of his worries. He checked the woven transit-circle he intended to soon use once again.

Nita jerked up at the _pop!_ sound of displaced air.

"What the hell are you doing here?" she demanded angrily.

Without a word, Kit activated the transit, hoping Nita's name hadn't changed in the last ten seconds since he'd last checked it in the manual. He really shouldn't be doing this, but desperate times call for desperate measures.

"What the hell are you doing?" Nita yelled, as the pair appeared on the moon. She appeared unchanged. Good. 

"You're not going anywhere," Kit said, grabbing her she attempted to return home, "There's a temporary spell damper imbedded in this circle. You can leave the circle—and leave the oxygen and weather protection the circle offers from the outside—or you can listen to me."

"Damn you!" she spat, struggling violently against his hold. He held firm for a moment, and then released her once she'd calmed.

_Smack! _She hit Kit across the face.

**_And there's a lonely side of love._**

"I guess I deserved that," Kit sighed.

"And more."

"Maybe." Kit chose his words carefully, "However, you deserve a few things, too." _A break, your old life, me..._

"Humph," was Nita's only reply.

"I know you're upset, and you have cause to be. However, you do not have cause to give up on life—and everyone in your life—because you are upset. You're killing the rest of us! Doesn't your father have enough to worry about without adding 'depressed recluse daughter' to his plate? 

"What about wizardry? Have you done any significant wizardries since she died?"

Nita mumbled something under her breath. When Kit didn't respond, she repeated it slightly louder. "That's what got me into this mess."

Kit restrained his anger. "The Powers understand grieving, and I'm sure They give you an allowance of time. But wizardry doesn't live in the unwilling heart. How many other people will have to suffer the same loss you did if there weren't wizards fighting death?"

"It's a losing battle," Nita scoffed.

"If wizards don't fight entropy it'll happen faster! We may lose, but He won't win, either. How many die or suffer loss each day we refuse to serve?"

"If you're such a noble soul, go save the world yourself," she snarled.

**_With you here, baby, I am strong. _**

**_No sign of weakness._**

**_With you gone, baby, I am hanging by a thread._**

"I _can't_," Kit expressed. "We're partners. I don't do solo work very well."

Another muttered comment from Nita. Kit ignored her.

"Don't you see you're letting—no, helping—Him win? We've been the metaphorical thorn in His side. He'd love to have us both out of the picture. With our partnership broken, you doing nothing and me weakly working alone, He grows stronger. Every minute we aren't fighting Him, we're helping Him win.

"Besides," Kit said softly, sitting down on the rock where she was perched, "I miss you."

For once, Nita had no biting come back.

**_There's a certain kind of pain that can numb you._**

Nita had spent the last several months building a wall, attempting to shield herself. 

_From what?_she wondered now. From her dad, from Dairine, from her teachers, from Kit, from wizardry... from pain. You can't lose what you don't have.

Nita hated being weak. Even when Joanne and her gang used to push Nita around, Nita wasn't weak. She knew she could take Joanne; she simply preferred not to— it was easier that way. The feeling of helpless she felt during and after her mother's diagnosis, the feeling  of not being able to do _anything_.

It was much easier this way. If you don't feel anything, you can't feel pain.

**_There a type of freedom that can tie you down. _**

Kit had to go and pull a stunt like this. Just as she was getting accustomed to her new lifestyle. It was the only way to survive, she was sure of it—

_It's _not_, _Kit interrupted in her mind.

_You were brain-tapping! _she accused.

_Sometimes you think a bit loud. You're not as closed off as you want to think. _Kit braced himself for her rebuttal, but there came none. He continued aloud, 

"You can't go through life without feeling anything. Yes, it's going to hurt, but you have to get past that. You have to concentrate on prevent and healing more of the world's hurt, rather than blatantly ignoring your own. You have an obligation. Yes, it has its risks and restrictions— you can't save everyone. But you have to do as much as you can."

**_Sometimes the unexplained can define you._**

"How do you do it?" Nita whispered. 

"Do what?" Kit asked.

"Everything. How do you dealing with _knowing _people died so you didn't have to... Mom, Fred, Ed..." She trailed off. 

"They gave themselves so many others could live, not just you. Take it one day at a time. It hurt— it hurts like hell. But you can't let that stop you. We don't know what tomorrow will bring, whether it's good or bad, and we have to be prepared for it."

**_And sometimes silence is the only sound. _**

Nita looked at him for a long moment, tears welling up in her eyes.

"You just know everything, don't you?" she whispered, but there was no malice in her words.

Kit smiled, and took her hand.

"I know more than you realize."

Long after she finished crying, Nita and Kit sat together quietly, drawing closer than they had been in a long time.

**_With you here, baby, I am strong. _**

**_No sign of weakness._**

**_With you gone, baby, I am hanging by a thread._**

"No more," Kit said after a stretch of time.

"Hmm?" asked Nita, pulled out of her thoughts by Kit's voice. He had a nice voice, low and soothing...

"No more 'screw the world'. No more pushing away the people who love you to save yourself hurt. It doesn't work and it hurts us, too."

Nita squeezed his hand. "No more."

Kit made lazy circles on her hand with his thumb. "I'm sorry."

"Don't be. I'm the one that should be sorry. I shouldn't have yelled at you." 

"You bitch-slapped me." 

Nita flushed. "Sorry." 

"I did kind of deserve it," Kit admitted after a minute.

"This was a cruel plot," Nita accused with a smile. Kit's heart soared.

"It worked, didn't it?"

"How much oxygen did you bring?" Nita asked instead of answering. "We must have been up here for an hour or two."

"You're a tough case," Kit shrugged. "I knew it'd take time to get anything through your thick skull."

"You know what they say about birds of a feather," Nita grinned. 

"How could I put up with your insults if I didn't have a thick head?" Kit was ecstatic to have Nita joking again.

**_With you here, baby, I am strong. _**

**_No sign of weakness._**

**_With you gone, baby, I am hanging by a thread._**

They lapsed into another comfortable silence.

"Do you think we should go back and face the world?" Kit asked finally.

"Will you help me?"

"No problem."

"Together?" Kit asked, drawing out the coordinates to get them home.

"Together," Nita confirmed.

~*~*~

**Okay, okay, maybe not a _real N/K._**** I'm working up to it. Maybe I'll do a sequel to this, if I can find a good song.**** (But they _did hold hands for a long time... it's a start. :^D)_**


	2. If I Am

**Well, this didn't turn out as I had planned it. It's a little too similar to the last one for my liking, and it's certainly not the best thing I've written. I liked the song, though, and my muse kept bugging me until I wrote it, so, here it is. I already have a song for the next installment. If you want an update, read and review! (Even _constructive _negative reviews are appreciated!)**

**Disclaimer: Young Wizards is Diane Duane's, and the song, If I Am, is by Nine Days.**

***~*~***

****

**_So, you're standing on a ledge, _**

**_It looks like you might fall. _**

**_So far down, _**

**_Or maybe you were thinking about jumping. _**

****

_Baby steps, Rodriguez, baby steps, _Kit repeated to himself. But she--they--had been making so much progress!

_Nita? _Kit asked yet again. Though he knew she was awake, and was certain she could hear him, Kit received no answer. He had called her this morning, but he not even asked his question before she made some intangible comments and hung up. He sighed, and laid the coordinates for her backyard.**__**

****

Nita's father answered the door upon Kit's knocking. Harry Callahan had the appearance of a man who had seen better days. Though he was dressed and clean-shaven, his eyes were bloodshot and his hair was heavily streaked with gray. Upon seeing Kit, he attempted a small smile on his tired and worn face. 

"I was just headed to the shop, Kit," he stated. "I assume you're looking for Nita. She's upstairs in her room. Good luck," he sighed, the smile fading.

"Thanks," Kit responded, taking in the deep wrinkles imbedded in Harry's face. Kit patted Harry's shoulder, feeling a small amount of power leave him as he performed a minor strengthening spell. Kit didn't use these spells often, especially on non-wizards, but Harry definitely looked like he needed a bit of a boast.

**_Now you could have it all, _**

**_If you learned a little patience._**

****

"Nita?" Kit asked, knocking on her bedroom door. He heard shuffling inside, but go no response. "Nita? I'm coming in..." 

Nita's eyes were also bloodshot. She glared at him for a moment before flinging herself into the adjourning bathroom. 

"Nita!" Kit called, sighing. "What's the matter?"

"Nothing! Go away!" came the reply from the bathroom.

Kit clinched his hands, biting back harsh words. _Patience, Rodriguez, _he lectured himself, _This is going to be a long day_.

**_For though I cannot fly, _**

**_I'm not content to crawl... _**

"Won't you just talk to me?"

"There's nothing to talk about!"

"So you've locked yourself in a bathroom for nothing?"

There was no reply. Kit crossed the room, kindly asked the bathroom door to unlock, and felt the tumbler shift as he turned the knob.

"Nita..."

She glared at him again, and then accused, "_He _sent you after me didn't he?"

"The Lone Power?" Kit questioned, confused. It was the first "_He_" that came to mind.

"No!" scoffed Nita, "My father."**__**

****

**_So give me a little credit, _**

**_Have in me a little faith. _**

****

"No one sent me after you, Nita. I want to help you. Do I have to have an ulterior motive to care about you?"**__**

****

**_I want to be with you forever, _**

**_If tomorrow's not too late... _**

For a moment Kit was afraid she was going to transit out of the bathroom.

_That's the trouble with being in love with a woman wizard, _thought Kit, _When they get irrational or mad at you, its nearly impossible to get them to stay in one place long enough to work it out. _ 

"I'm _not _being irrational," Nita spat.

Kit looked at her sharply, wondering just how much she had overheard.

"I'm sorry," Kit apologized, knowing he'd get nowhere with Nita this angry. "I'm just worried about you. Won't you tell me what's wrong?" Kit placed a careful hand on her shoulder. She flinched, but didn't pull away. He led her to the bathtub and sat on the edge beside her.

****

**_But it's always too late when you've got nothing, _**

**_So you say. _**

****

"Everything slipping away," Nita said after a few minutes. "It's not working. I've been trying, Kit, you know I have."

"I know," Kit responded soothingly, trying to figure out what she was talking about.

"No matter how hard I try, it doesn't help. Everything is slipping away from me. I'm so far behind in school. I'll never catch up. I've never failed a test before, Kit. Now, I've failed two. I can't even do the simplest wizardry. Dairine won't talk to me, and now Dad's mad at me, too,"****Nita was crying by now. Kit gave her a reassuring squeeze with the arm that was still around her shoulders. "It doesn't matter what I try to do, it doesn't work. I might as well give up. Everything I held to, everything I always counted on--knowledge, wizardry, and my family--has let me down."**__**

****

**_But you should never let the sun set on tomorrow, _**

**_Before the sun rises today._**

****

"What about me?"****Kit asked, pulling her closer. "Have I let you down?"

**_If I am another waste of everything you dreamed of, I will let you down... _**

**_If I am only here to watch as you suffer, I will let you down... _**

****

"I'll only pull you down with me,"****Nita whispered, trying to shrug out of his gentle hold.

Kit let her go, but lifted her chin, forcing her to look at him.

Nita was ill prepared for the intense emotion in his glaze. She wanted to look away, but couldn't bring herself to it.

"Hey, we agreed to do this together, remember?" Kit said quietly. "I want to help you, but you have to let me, okay?"**__**

****

**_So you're walking on the edge, _**

**_And you wait your turn to fall. _**

****

"But don't you understand, Kit? You can't help me."**__**

****

**_But you're so far gone, _**

**_That you don't see the hands upheld to catch you. _**

"Why the hell not, Nita?" Kit demanded, but his anger was not directed at her. It was directed at the One who was causing her so much pain.

"Don't get huffy with--"

"I'm not," Kit interrupted, taking a deep breath to calm himself. "I'm just so frustrated with Him, and I want to do something about it, but I _can't_. Not without you. And you can't fight him until you resolve this trouble within you. I want to help you do that."

**_And you could find the fault, _**

**_In the heart that you've been handed. _**

"Why are you still here, Kit? Why don't you just leave me be?" Nita asked. 

Kit couldn't tell if she was being malicious, or just questioning. _I love you..._

But he didn't say that. Instead, he took a safer route. "The Powers made us partners. Who am I to change Their will?" Then, with a rush of courage, Kit asked, "Do you want me to leave?"

Nita didn't answer, but turned away from him.

**_For though you cannot fly, _**

**_You're not content to crawl._**

"So, that's it? You just want to give up?" Kit's voice broke. "This isn't the Nita Callahan I know. This isn't the Nita who volunteered to be the Silent One, the Nita who traveled halfway across the galaxy to save her sister, the Nita who faced the Lone Power head on, or the Nita who gave everything to try to save her mother. What happened to that Nita?"

**_But it's always too late when you've got nothing, _**

**_So you say. _**

"She died," Nita muttered. "He killed her when He took her mother."**__**

****

"He didn't kill her," Kit replied, tucking an unruly strand of hair behind Nita's ear as he spoke, "He just wounded her temporarily."**__**

****

**_But you should never let the sun set on tomorrow, _**

**_Before the sun rises today_**

**_If I am another waste of everything you dreamed of, I will let you down... _**

**_If I am only here to watch as you suffer, I will let you down..._**

****

"Please don't give up. We can get through this. Use me, Nita. That's what I'm here for. Remember? You're the impulsive partner, and I'm the solid one. It's caused us trouble before, but here I think it will help now. Without insulting me, pulling away, or changing the subject, how can I help you? What exactly is troubling you?"**__**

****

**_The answers we find, _**

**_Are never what we had in mind. _**

****

"You mentioned school earlier,"****Kit prompted.

"I missed so much the last couple a weeks... what, with her being so sick, her funeral... and here lately I haven't been all there..." Nita rambled, "I'm so behind in algebra and in chemistry... I don't understand it..."

"Go in and talk to your teachers. Ask for help. Or we can do it together," Kit suggested. "I understand most of it. Thermochemistry has me thrown, but I can do the rest. Go on."

Nita didn't speak for several minutes. Kit waited, wanting answers, but now wanting to push too far.

"I was fighting with Dad earlier," she said finally. "I tried to transit to Copernicus, and I... couldn't. It just... didn't work."

"Did you check the manual?"

"Not yet... Dad and I were 'discussing' things still, and then you came..."

"Maybe you were just distracted at the time. Check the manual," Kit advised, "and if it doesn't help, we'll go see Carl and Tom. Now what wrong between your family?"

"I don't want to talk about it," Nita said.

"You certain?" Kit prodded. "You know you can tell me anything."

"I know, just... not now. I'll tell you later, okay? I need to... digest a few things first."

**_So we make it up as we go along... _**

**_I won't mention tomorrow. _**

**_And we won't make those promises that we can't keep... _**

****

"All right," Kit nodded, immensely curious about the argument. "You gonna to be okay?"

"I think," she stated. "Let's take this one day at a time."

"Good idea." After a moment, Kit slipped his arm around Nita, meeting no resistance. 

****

**_I will never leave you. I will never let you down. _**

****

"Kit?" He looked up at her. She continued, "Thank you." 

"For?"

"Putting up with me. You have so much more patience than I have. If I were you, I would have given up on me, and left me to fend for myself weeks ago."

"I'll never give up on you, Nita, even when you've given up on yourself."**__**

****

**_I will never leave you._**

"I'm quite hard to get rid of," Kit affirmed. "I intend on sticking around for awhile."

"Good," Nita smiled, "I don't want to get rid of you, no matter what I might have spat earlier. Forgive?"

**_ I will never let you down._**

****

"Of course."

They locked glazes. Nita smiled again.

_She's so beautiful, _Kit thought, leaning closer. _This is it. After this, there's no turning back._

Kit closed his eyes, and leaned even closer towards her slightly parted lips.

*~*~*


	3. How do I get there?

**I'm sorry it has taken so long to get this up… you know how life goes. I started writing it to a different song, and it never went anywhere. So, I stopped working on it, became occupied with other things, and didn't start again until a couple of days ago, when I heard this song on the radio. My muse jumped up and down on my stomach (which was bad, since I was trying to drive), until I agreed to look up the lyrics and try to add another installment to this songfic series. I don't know if I'll add a fourth one or not. Let me know in the reviews if you want one, or whether I should leave it off here, and I'll think about it. Enjoy!**

**Disclaimer: Everything Young Wizards related belongs to Diane Duane, and the song is Deana Carter's "How Do I Get There?"**

****

**_We've always been the best of friends  
No secrets and no demands_**

"I'm quite hard to get rid of," Kit affirmed. "I intend on sticking around for awhile."

"Good," Nita smiled, "I don't want to get rid of you, no matter what I might have spat earlier. Forgive?"

"Of course."

Good old Kit. The one constant in her life when it was spiraling out of control.

Nita locks glazed with her best friend, a myriad of emotions flicking across her face.

_Oh, Kit, _Nita wondered. _What did I do to deserve you? _She knew that it was only by the grace of the Powers that Kit hadn't given up on her and left her long ago. She certainly had nothing to earn his devotion, and had in fact spent most of her time as of recent trying to push him away. He wouldn't budge, though, and for once she was glad he was as stubborn as… as she was.

**_But suddenly from out of the blue  
I see a different light around you_******

Kit leaned closer.

_Sweet Powers, _Nita thought, _He's going to kiss me. _She was suddenly uncomfortably aware that his arm was encircling her, and had been for a majority of their conversation. Almost involuntarily, she tensed.

Immediately, Kit sprang back.

"Sorry…I…I…I…" stumbled Kit, desperately groping for words.

_You're an idiot, Rodriguez_, he scolded himself. _She was just starting to open up to you, and you had to pull a stunt like this. You're in for it now. _

"Nita…" Kit began, having no idea what he was going to say next.

"Just… just stop, Kit," Nita interrupted.

**_One thing I haven't told you,  
I just want to hold you  
And never let go_******

_What now? _Nita wondered, as the awkward silence stretched on. This silence was exactly the reason she been ignoring the attraction that ad been growing between her and Kit for months now. Their relationship was great, and making it romantic would screw so many things up. What would happen to their wizardry partnership? They couldn't even work together now after they'd had a fight. What would happen if they broke up? There would be no way they could stay partners after that. Would their wizardry itself be affected?

_That's crap and you know it, _said the annoying, brutally honest voice in her head. _You know the only reason you haven't told Kit how you feel about him is you thought there was no way he would ever like you as more than a friend. Besides, you can't go into a romantic relationship thinking about breaking up._

But what if he didn't really like her? What if it was just male hormones, popping up to take advantage of her weakened state?

_Get a grip. This is _Kit _you are talking about. Not some random gigolo off the street, _the annoying voice scolded her_,__ He has spent the last several years fighting beside you. He's saved your life and you've saved his, on a variety of occasions. He's nearly died tying to protect you. And you accuse him of trying to take advantage of you?_

Okay, okay, so that was just a desperate excuse. Still, though, was the possibility of a romance with Kit worth all the risks?

********

**_I just want to know   
How do I get there from here?_**

Nita took a big breath, and looked at Kit. He had scooted to the far end of the bathtub now, and was sitting with his head in his hands

"Kit…" It was Nita's turn to grope for words. "What…what are we, Kit?"

**_How do I make you see  
How do I tell you what   
My heart's been tellin' me_******

Kit's mind reeled. _What are we? _Why didn't he think of that? But what if she didn't men it the way he thought she did? What if she was just asking about their wizardry partnership or friendship? Or, even worse, what if she was questioning the romantic feeling between them, but had decided she didn't want a relationship?

As the seconds stretched on, Kit chose the safest answer he could think of, "I'm not sure right now. What do you want to be?"

**_  
Lost in your lovin' arms  
That's where I want to be  
You know I love you  
How do I get there?_******

"We've been through hell and back together, Kit. We've fought the Lone Power, we've fought His servants, we've fought entropy, and we've fought each other. Kit, you're the best friend I've ever had, and probably ever will have. As a friend, I love you dearly—"

_But I just can't think of you as more than that, _Kit finished in his head, wanting to scream.

"—And I'm scared to risk all of that. But…but I think the bigger risk ignoring the feelings I have for you, and never seeing where they could lead."

**_You probably think I've lost my mind  
Takin' this chance crossin' that line  
But I promise to be truer than true  
Dreaming every night   
With these arms around you_**

Nita let out a breath she didn't know she was holding. She was still nervous, wondering how Kit would react to her confession. However, it was a great relief to have said it, and not have to wonder after today.

Nita lifted her eyes to look at Kit, just now realizing that they had been locked on the linoleum beneath her feet the entire time she had been talking. He was still crouched over, but now his chin was propped up on his hands. He was chewing his bottom lip, with his eyebrows knotted in deep though. Was it just Nita, though, or was there a smile tugging at the corners of his mouth?

**_I can't wait any longer   
This feeling's gettin' stronger  
Help me find away_**

She said it. She finally said it. Kit could hardly believe it. After all those months of waiting in agony, Nita had finally said that she wanted him. Him!

Kit turned to face her, taking her hands into his. "So, you wanna give this a shot?"

**_I know the shortest distance   
Between two points is a straight line  
But I'll climb any mountain   
That you want me to climb_**

Nita nodded. "It may not be easy, though. And no matter what, we can't let it affect our partnership in any way—any negative way, at least. I've spent enough time these last several months trying to ruin it myself."

"I'm up to the challenge," Kit smiled, happy to have Nita acknowledging and discarding her destructive behaviors.

**_The perfect combination is your heart and mine  
Darlin' won't you give me a sign _**

"You know," Kit started, as he stood up, still holding her hands, "You're a pretty hard nut to crack."

"Oh?" asked Nita, "And how many nuts have you tried cracking, master squirrel?"

"Just one," Kit replied, bringing her hands to his lips and kissing them, "The very best one of them all."

****

**Okay, so it may not have been worth waiting several months for, but was it sappy enough to satisfy all of you?**


End file.
